1Contrary Day

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1husband is hung over, yet he tells me of his grand plans for the day so I better bring the truck back quick so he can get on with it all.  I have heard these lies before.  It is 5:30, I feed the cats, the dog, do the laundry, the dishes, warm up the truck, bring in a 1/2 tonne of hay, unload the hay, feed the livestock, run the tractor, plow the driveway, feed the chickens, gather the eggs.

It is 10am I have completed the outdoor chores 1husband is sleeping soundly on the couch in front of the TV, I had the truck back a long time ago.  So I cook the eggs, fry the bacon, butter the toast and brew fresh coffee all while fitting in a shower, styling my hair and doing my makeup.

10:30am 1husband looks me up and down when he pulls himself up from the couch and non-stop tv.  He is making a point about my appearance, he is letting me know that I don’t meet his approval, he tells me that “blondes look better with black eyes” and snorts at his own wit.

He then gives me a hug and roughly squeezes my boobs. Making squeaky noises while he does so.  No kissing, he hasn’t done that for years.  In fact, before 1lover became my one lover it had been very long time since I had kissed a man, any man.

1husband grabs the plate of food and eats on the couch in front of the constant tv.  We haven’t eaten a meal together in our home for years.  When sitting next to each is unavoidable like when we are paired up at my friends homes or in a restaurant he pulls his chair out at an angle away from me or goes across the room.  I wonder if this behaviour is apparent to anyone else as well as me?

1husband has put his dirty underwear on the dining table,  and the rest of his dirty clothes litter the floor in the dining area and kitchen.  1husband needs a shower.  He chooses the couch instead.

1husband burps loudly then states that he is not in fact going to do all those plans.  He feels that he deserves a day off for the all the hard work he did yesterday.  He lies.  I knew about today and I know what he did yesterday  I knew there would be the hangover so I have made plans to be with 1lover.

I store some more of my things in my secret storage unit before I go to 1lovers home.  I feel raw, edgy and conflicted when I get there.

1husband can be petty, I must be safe, and be able to make a clean break before I go.

I no longer want to save this marriage, I just want to save myself.

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