1husband, 6friends, 46years

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I am going outside to do the farm chores.  It is winter, a blowing snowy cold, Canadian winter day.  I pull a toque over my head.  1husband tells me how ugly I look in a toque, ugly period. He can go on for a long time about such things. I still wear the toque this is my rebellion and it is as far as I take it these days.  I used to try reason; tell him to stop and be nice to me, say nice things to me, because I was his wife.  I just don’t bother anymore.

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He is passed out cold.  He must be tired.  I got the list, an extensive one, and he put a lot of energy into throwing out some of my possessions.  Before his head hit the pillow he itemized more things of mine that would go.  It is 1:50pm.  He goes to great lengths to let me know how much he tolerates me and my mental illnesses, he can list a few of them but he is the only one to possess this insight.

Included among my mental health issues is hoarding.  My hoarding is why he is taking my tools for himself and throwing out some pieces of my furniture plants and projects.  I used to fight to keep my stuff, I just don’t bother anymore.

I got my SUV packed up, though, this is my rebellion.  I have rented a storage unit near where I work and my things are going there.

I tell my 6 friends this casually at my dinner party that I am sorting thru stuff and doing my spring cleaning early.

This is my birthday dinner, and 1husband says he doesn’t want to be there.  1 husband asks me how old I am he has forgotten.

Dinner is over and the night ends for us. 1husband takes the bed and so I spend the night on the couch this time, it is where I will fall asleep tonight.  But first 1lover, and oh what an incredible time messaging 1lover.  He is an intriguing and passionate man, who wants me, really wants me.  And you know what?  I think I want him, too.  Tonight I shall dream of being in the arms of 1lover, after all it’s my birthday wish, and maybe if I wish really hard it will come true.

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